Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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