You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
