Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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