I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
