We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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