I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
