OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
