I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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