don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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