i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
