He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
