so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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