Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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