Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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