i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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