No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
