I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
