im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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