Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
