Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize