He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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