the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
