I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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