I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
