I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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