what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
