My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
