mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
