you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
