I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I love you. Go after that dick
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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