Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
