Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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