My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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