you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
