my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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