Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
