Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
