Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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