Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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