Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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