Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
