I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
