The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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