Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
