You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
