So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
