so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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