i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
