1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
