you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
