not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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