Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
