Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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