How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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