I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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