PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
