the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
