Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize