Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My bed smells like the plague
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
