Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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