she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
