dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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