How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you never un-have a 4some
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
