My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
