I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
