I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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