Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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